Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
