dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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