I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
