I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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