Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
