btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize