you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
