I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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