i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
