I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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