Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she smelled like a LAN party
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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