I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize