In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
