its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I deserve this hangover.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
