Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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