You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
