Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
