I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
