I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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