She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
