and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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