Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Is Oprah even human
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
