I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Randomize
