But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
