fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
