Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
