I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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