cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i've created a new STD.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
