Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
