2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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