she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize