Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
is it fun? or sober?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
