You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
