I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
