I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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