I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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