trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
