Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
