they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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