a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
