I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
