the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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