i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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