I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
