even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
