Already got asked if we're dating
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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