He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
