How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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