I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
its not stalking. its research.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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