Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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