I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
