I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize