I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize