ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
