It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
