Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
