I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
