are you still at the devil's house?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
