Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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