i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
