oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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