The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
