after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
