I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
