He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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