So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
