Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
